This Is Me, my next book. How you can be the real you, sober, happy and free

I am working on my second book, **This Is Me** It is a follow up, a natural progression, from my first book, This Isn’t Me, which I finished and published three months ago  That book was my honest account of my 27 years of addiction to both drugs and alcohol, my sudden easy, recovery when I thought all was lost and my relationship with my son both during that time and now. I wrote it to help my son heal, as an apology and because I just had to.

It has become such an unexpected success.  It is as though by writing my story, by exposing my life, I had given ‘permission’ to others to break their self-imposed silence on a subject that is causing them huge pain. By admitting the devastation of my own battles, I opened up a dialogue on the despair, confusion, hopelessness and pain that all alcoholics feel.  Often to those who are free from addiction, the drinker seems unaware or uncaring of the hurt they are causing.  Believe me we rarely are.  Most of us absolutely know but feel completely and hopelessy trapped in our addiction.

I wish I could bottle what I now know and hand it out as a gift to anyone who is suffering – although most of us don’t want any more ‘bottles’ in our lives.  But I can’t. There are not magic potions to end addiction, only the addict can do that.  However, what I can do, in response to all those who write and ask “Well done you, but what next? How can I get sober? and How do you go forward?”, is write another book, in which I share what I absolutely know to be the truth about my addictions and recovery.

In *This Is Me* I have written, in the simplest possible terms how I came to be me, not a ‘new’ me, but the real me, and how I stay me. I will give you a snap shot of where I am now, and how life is for me on the other side of booze, as well as the strategies and routines, including self-care and nutritionally that enable me to enjoy the quality of life that we all deserve.  I am not a psychologist, there is no science in this book, I write as an addict. An addict set free, an addict now sober.

Please believe me when I say that life doesn’t have to be that way.  I live a life with my son I could only ever have dreamed of for so many painful years, and I live it every, single, sober day. xxx



This Isn’t Me – A painful, yet inspiring personal memoir on alcoholism and recovery.

This Isn’t Me details my journey into a heroin addiction and recovery, and then subsequent alcohol addiction that lasted 27 years.  It is about the  horrifying shock of realizing that my alcoholism was impossible to overcome, even with all the available interventions and professional support I engaged with for over 15 years, when I had successfully overcome heroin with none.

It details the relationship between myself and my now 19 year old son. It is about being a single mother and the absolute joy of the gift of him. A joy that turned into the crippling nightmare of severe post-natal depression, requiring in-house psychiatric care on two occasions, and my return to drinking and then self-harm to cope.

It tells of my despair on realizing that I would die an alcoholic after being informed that my liver was damaged. Of the deceptions and self-disgust, of my complete desperation to be different.  Of how it affected my son’s life before he realized it was alcohol that changed his mother from the daytime loving, caring one into the cold and emotionally unavailable shell I became in the evenings.  Of his realization, during his teenage years that alcohol came before him and that I was unable to stop, even when he begged me too.

It then details the miraculous, magenta moment just over two years ago when I just stopped drinking.  No last drink, I just stopped.  Of the “how” and “why” of my stopping.

It is about my son’s initial distrust in my sobriety and my determination to show him that I was sober, by changing my behaviour, by doing something different.  As part of my apology and acknowledgment of the damage I had done, I started my own nutrition and weight loss business YOUtrition and together we are building our brand.

It tells of my total commitment to helping him heal as much as possible in a healthy way where his hurts and confusion are discussed and talked through, as and when he needs those conversations.

I write about where I am now, where we are now in our relationship, our closeness, our friendship, our love and understanding.

My sobriety is easy and I do not attend any interventions or have any therapy or support.  I just don’t drink.  Even after my first sober, truly painful experience of loss of a loved one, alcohol did not enter my mind. I even have alcohol in the house, I just don’t see it.

My book is not a “woe is me” exercise. I do not attempt to deflect responsibility away from myself or to apportion blame to anyone else for my choices.  I own both my drunkenness and my sobriety.

It is simply honest, painful, uplifting and inspiring. It offers a different view on recovery, which works for me so easily where accepted interventions didn’t.

It is ultimately a letter of love to my son, an apology , which he can re-read as he grows stronger, one that will help him know and understand that he always was, and always will be my Number One.